Fianna Fail are out of government but a change of government doesn't solve all our problems no not by a long shot the next little dictator that needs to be de-throned is that bastard Ryan Tubridy not only is he a FF man throughandthrough but he and RTE have made an unholy mockery of the Late Late Show which was a shining beacon back in Gaybo's time Gaybo had class and he had balls he wasn't afraid to ask the hard questions and he broke so many taboos in this country like about the gays and sure didn't he launch Boyzone who were brilliant but now Tubbers and before him Pat Kenny have made an absolute dog's dinner of the Late Late getting celebrities in to talk to other celebrities about their personal experience of the economic crisis and ignoring abortion because they're completely detached from reality altogether only a few weeks ago while this country was in the throes of a leadership crisis they had Jim Corr and some ponce from the United Kingdom Independence Party saying how 9/11 was faked and climate change is a hoax well no one doubts that America had a hand in knocking over those towers but there are more important things to be talking about than a secret race of lizard people who control the world.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Morning
It's morning.
Ireland has awoken from an awful dream, covered in metaphorical sweat and with the proverbial duvet hanging from the rhetorical celing fan. The final death throes of this awful regime played out last night as Brian Cowen dropped the ceremonial Disprin into the traditional giant glass of water, thus dissolving the 30th Dáil.
As I wander the streets of my city this morning, a burden seems lifted. Certainly this country is still in crisis. The damage that has been done will not be easily repaired, but at least we can now attempt to 'dig up' rather than widening the hole.
For the first time since 1997 this country is no longer under the sway of a Fianna Fail government. The election to come seems certain to deliver an alternative, whether that be a Fine Gael majority, a Fine Gael-Labour coalition, Labour-ULA, FG-SF or an alliance between the Muslim Brotherhood and the Fathers For Justice Party, for the indefinite future we will not have to look at a grotesque FF parody of what a leader should be.
In my joy this morning I interviewed several 'Members of the Public' for their views on the collapse of Fianna Fail and the Election to come.
Tom Doyle, Assistant Vice President (Self Employed)
I think it's absolutely fantastic. I always hated Brian Cowen and never voted for him. Of course I voted Seamus Brennan in 97' and 02' and 07' but that's because he was great on local issues and sure didn't he die aswell. Who will I vote for now? I don't know, my family would never forgive me if I voted socialist and sure look at your man Enda, would you want him as Taoiseach? Ha! I suppose I just wont vote at all. Or maybe Fathers For Justice down the ticket...
Sister Immaculata Concepta, Nun (Unemployed)
God I wish I could vote for Dev. Maybe a write in ballot for Dev.
Shane Robinson, Homeless Man, (Self Employed)
What? You have to press this one if you're going to Sandyford. Do you have a Euro for a hostel?
Donald Kehoe, Taxi Driver (Borderline Unemployed)
I suppose whatever Independent is the most poorly educated, has the largest criminal record and the least chance of getting in. There's a fella I like in my area who running from his jail cell in Mountjoy. I think he set fire to a Guard or something. 'Put him in to get him out' and all that.
Well, the People have spoken it would appear. They don't want Enda for reasons they can't articulate. They dont want Fianna Fail for reasons too crude to publish. They dont want Labour out of some lingering fear of the Red Menace. The question we ask over the next few weeks is, who do they want?
Ireland has awoken from an awful dream, covered in metaphorical sweat and with the proverbial duvet hanging from the rhetorical celing fan. The final death throes of this awful regime played out last night as Brian Cowen dropped the ceremonial Disprin into the traditional giant glass of water, thus dissolving the 30th Dáil.
As I wander the streets of my city this morning, a burden seems lifted. Certainly this country is still in crisis. The damage that has been done will not be easily repaired, but at least we can now attempt to 'dig up' rather than widening the hole.
For the first time since 1997 this country is no longer under the sway of a Fianna Fail government. The election to come seems certain to deliver an alternative, whether that be a Fine Gael majority, a Fine Gael-Labour coalition, Labour-ULA, FG-SF or an alliance between the Muslim Brotherhood and the Fathers For Justice Party, for the indefinite future we will not have to look at a grotesque FF parody of what a leader should be.
In my joy this morning I interviewed several 'Members of the Public' for their views on the collapse of Fianna Fail and the Election to come.
Tom Doyle, Assistant Vice President (Self Employed)
I think it's absolutely fantastic. I always hated Brian Cowen and never voted for him. Of course I voted Seamus Brennan in 97' and 02' and 07' but that's because he was great on local issues and sure didn't he die aswell. Who will I vote for now? I don't know, my family would never forgive me if I voted socialist and sure look at your man Enda, would you want him as Taoiseach? Ha! I suppose I just wont vote at all. Or maybe Fathers For Justice down the ticket...
Sister Immaculata Concepta, Nun (Unemployed)
God I wish I could vote for Dev. Maybe a write in ballot for Dev.
Shane Robinson, Homeless Man, (Self Employed)
What? You have to press this one if you're going to Sandyford. Do you have a Euro for a hostel?
Donald Kehoe, Taxi Driver (Borderline Unemployed)
I suppose whatever Independent is the most poorly educated, has the largest criminal record and the least chance of getting in. There's a fella I like in my area who running from his jail cell in Mountjoy. I think he set fire to a Guard or something. 'Put him in to get him out' and all that.
Well, the People have spoken it would appear. They don't want Enda for reasons they can't articulate. They dont want Fianna Fail for reasons too crude to publish. They dont want Labour out of some lingering fear of the Red Menace. The question we ask over the next few weeks is, who do they want?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE
GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGEOUT
We the People of This Country are Disgusted,
This wont work Cowen we know you're trying to get away with it by resigning as leader of Fianna Fail but not as Taoiseach what are you saying that Fianna Fail is more important than the Country or the People well it's not it's just some stupid little boys club at this point and after the next election it won't even be that sure you can put Martin at the helm and try to salvage a few votes for 'New' Fianna Fail but at the end of the day it's the same old cronies and the same old policies Fianna Fail must be destroyed and perhaps then we can start to rebuild This Country but first we must end the political careers of Biffo and Bertie and Martin and the rest of the gobshites in FIANNA FAIL.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
2010: Antiheroes, Mixed-Bags and Non-Entities of the Year
This 2010 retrospective is taking place in late January, as befits this crowd of misfits who not only failed to define the year, but left us all scratching our heads in idiotic confusion like the shaved gorillas that we are.
Antiheroes
Gerry Ryan
Ah, Ger Ger. Mr. Ryan, a beloved-by-some-hated-by-others radio shock jock, passed away this summer. However he will regret not living long enough to attend his funeral as the nation began wailing and rending its collective clothes as though this were a repeat of that whole 9/11 business, or someone had just said 'Princess Diana' in a sad way. The mourning and venerating of the man went so far over the top it may have been possible to see China. From all corners of the nation people were calling old Gerry a genius, a poet, a prophet and possibly a candidate for fast-track sainthood. Yes, it seemed Gerry could fly no higher than when he was six feet under.
Inevitably, it all fell to pieces. Towards the end of the year, just at the point when most of us had accepted Ryan Tubridy's voice as a reasonable substitute, some news arrived that would shock us all.
But not really though. Everyone knew that Ryan was a heavy cocaine user. To call it an open secret would be understating it massively. Yet everyone from the top of RTÉ to the loneliest listener claimed that they had no foreknowledge, that they were shocked, and yes, appalled at his conduct. The denouncement began in earnest. Gerry was a cautionary tale, a fatter Katie French, a man who some whispered 'got what he deserved'.
Of course all this was ludicrous hyperbole. Ryan was merely a human being. He was flawed and something of an idiot for his continued drug use, but neither a monster nor a saint. He was not worthy of venerating, not worthy of condemnation and certainly not worthy of the countless column inches spent pouring repulsively over ever gory detail of his life.
Mixed Bags and Non-Entities coming soon.
Friday, January 14, 2011
ANGLO BOOK RIGGING AGAIN
We the People of this Country are Disgusted,
Fool us once Sean Fitzpatrick shame on you fool us twice shame on you AND your cohort Brian Cowen but there's no wonder Seany was keeping so quiet for so long he made a quick buck out of the People of this Country with Anglo and as soon as that went belly up he was scheming for another way to get our money and thats why him and those shameless wankers from the Irish Times are spewing out this book they're calling it the Fitzpatrick Tapes even though its clearly a book what the hell are they going to call it when they put it on tape well it doesn't matter cause no one will be buying that rubbish the People even if you sell it for the iPad we don't care what you and that gobshite said on that round of golf we just want to see the both of you IN JAIL.
Friday, January 7, 2011
ROY KEANE SACKED HOSPITAL TROLLEYS BACK
We the People of This Country are Disgusted,
Ah here now we didn't want this as a Christmas present poor Roy Keane was fired as manager and yes he was terrible and yes they lost a few games and yes they're down at the bottom of the table but this is Keano we're talking about this is the man who saved Ireland so many times and if he hadn't been hounded out by that arsehole Mick McCarthy he might still be playing for our national side and maybe then we wouldn't have let Henry kick us out of the World Cup because you don't let the ball bounce in the six yard box unless you're Paul McShane and sure then you're a liability and they say that there might be snow again and none of us want that but sure none of us want to wait on a hospital trolley but thats whats happening because of this government that are somehow STILL HERE.
Ah here now we didn't want this as a Christmas present poor Roy Keane was fired as manager and yes he was terrible and yes they lost a few games and yes they're down at the bottom of the table but this is Keano we're talking about this is the man who saved Ireland so many times and if he hadn't been hounded out by that arsehole Mick McCarthy he might still be playing for our national side and maybe then we wouldn't have let Henry kick us out of the World Cup because you don't let the ball bounce in the six yard box unless you're Paul McShane and sure then you're a liability and they say that there might be snow again and none of us want that but sure none of us want to wait on a hospital trolley but thats whats happening because of this government that are somehow STILL HERE.
Monday, December 27, 2010
2010: Heroes and Villains
Dear Friends,
3) The Chilean Miners
Since the days of 9/11 we have had the phenomenon known as the rolling news story. Whether it's a flood, an earthquake or a coup you can always turn on Sky News to find that there is a story 'breaking' for about three weeks or so. Not until this wonderful tale was there such thing as a positive rolling story. As each one was lifted to safety (and book deals) the collective world cheered. Now there's a government that works.
2) Angry People
From Pat Rabbitte to that fella in Canada. From cement mixers to cherry-pickers. From Liveline to the Frontline, the best People of this Country were those who just plain went mental. For a year of such awfulness, we saw precious little protest, and the only people who did protest were doing it out of their own self interest. The visceral anger was cathartic when it happened, and we need a lot more of it next year.
1) Mary Byrne
The top spot had to be reserved for Ballyfermot's favourite daughter. In a year with so much bleakness and awful tidings Mary provided a glimmer of hope. Just a glimmer. I myself have never watched the X Factor, but I was assured by my colleague J. Murtagh that Mary was quote 'absolutely amazing so she was and there were people saying that she wasn't a good singer and that she wasn't cut out for this but she proved them wrong and fair play to Louis I dont normally like him but sure he's better than that Simon Cowell and don't get me started on Cheryl Cole...'. It continues in that vein for some time. WE wanted people to vote for mary, and they did, and here she is. I award her the Official People of This Country Gold Medal of Heroism for the year 2010. Hats off to this wonderful 'callín'.
Villains
5) The Guys who Killed the Kangaroo
Disgusting. Utterly disgusting. This was during that period of this year that Irish news went completely off the rails. Suddenly it was impossible to tell the Metro Herald from the Onion as tales of Animal abuse and insanity ran rampant in the Irish psyche. None was more disgraceful that this case, in which a number of men killed a kangaroo by feeding it ecstasy and alcohol at a deranged 'party'. What more can be said about this group of reprobates that has not already been splashed across countless tabloids. Scum.
4) George Lee
Lest We Forget. It seems a long time ago now that little boy George decided that his big brother Enda wasn't letting him play with his toys, and walked the plank of the S.S. Fine Gael. Mixed metaphors aside, George Lee's journey from bust-predicting wonderboy to washed up never-been was both magnificently quick and painfully disillusioning. There will be no easy exits from this economic black pit we find ourselves in, and no Moses to bring us to any promised land. George's retreat to the safe haven of RTE proved that no matter how incompetent the current crop of politicians is, they are not about to be displaced by a weedy bespectacled interloper on holidays from his real job.
3) Everyone Except Mary Byrne on the X-Factor
Cher for getting voted ahead of Mary. Katie for being Katie. Matt for winning and still being shite. Rebecca for not winning when she should have. One Direction for their crude remarks to Matt. Simon for doubting Mary. Louis for calling everyone a star and not just Mary. The people for not voting for MARY.
2) Michael Lowry and Jackie Healy-Rae
Some fiddled while Rome burned. Others tried to sell their buckets of water for a few pieces of silver. While this country went farther and farther down the tubes all these two CLOWNS cared about was their potholes and their Shanghai-on-Shannon Casinos. There were many this year who disgraced the office of TD but perhaps none more so than this pair of rural chancers who thought to prostitute their votes to the highest bidder. People of Kerry South, I implore you, when the little mini-me version of Jackie goes up this spring, send him and his flat cap back where they came from.
1) The Brians
Lenihan and Cowen. Not since Laurel and Hardy have a couple made such an unholy bags of a job they were handed. What can you really say about Brian and Brian Eile? At the beginning of this year, things were bad. Now, things are far worse. In between there was the Magnificent Growing Bailout, The Eternal Corner Turn and of course, the country was pawned a few weeks ago. These two messers will go down as the worst partnership in the country's history, and even now they cling to power like the political barnacles that they are. Out out out the country cries, but still we are stuck in a bizarre interregnum, in which a government with support in single digits still holds sway. A spring election will deliver its verdict, but until then, we must wait.
(J.Murtagh provided additional coverage)
Here we are, at the end of the first year of this little project. We have at times had some laughs. But it's also fair to say that there have been times this year when we have become more angry than we ever thought possible. 2010 was by no one's standards a good year. It saw both the destruction of Irish sovereignty and the death of Irish hopes. From the Brian's to the Chilean Miners, we highlight ten people who defined this year, for good or ill.
Heroes
5) The Rubberbandits
A late incluson into the list, these Limerick based jokers proved that there is in fact no level of satire at which there will not be a moral panic on Joe Duffy's Liveline. They are just now reaching the apex of their popularity, as their lament 'Horse Outside' is slated to be Ireland's Christmas Number One (Editors note: Sadly, that awful Matt Cardle thing won instead). Not to mention their biggest fan, this fine fellow:
The mustachioed former minister called them 'hilariously funny' and and that they filled him with 'great pride about the fact that two local lads, who are obviously very intelligent and very, very musically orientated and can be very, very funny, have the prospect of topping the charts at Christmas and beating the guy who won 'The X Factor'. An appearance on the Late Late Show, as well as a star turn explaining the intricacies of metaphor and satire to bewildered Liveline listeners, and Blindboy Boat Club and Mr.Chrome are on top of the world.
Well, Limerick anyway.
4) Julian Assange
This entry represents a startling 'chas timpeall' on the part of the People of this Country team. While Initially we felt that Mr.Assange and his Wikileaks were being reckless in their airing of various nations dirty laundry, and that people lives may be at risk, these fears turned out to be unfounded. Furthermore, the leaks implicated one Gerry Adams in the 2004 bank robbery. Now of course we all knew that the bold Gerry and his mate Martin were fully aware of this little caper, but it was extremely nice to see it all laid out in black and white. We tip our collective hats to you, Julian, even if you are in a spot of 'tribloid' with the law at the moment (or more accurately, with the CIA).
A late incluson into the list, these Limerick based jokers proved that there is in fact no level of satire at which there will not be a moral panic on Joe Duffy's Liveline. They are just now reaching the apex of their popularity, as their lament 'Horse Outside' is slated to be Ireland's Christmas Number One (Editors note: Sadly, that awful Matt Cardle thing won instead). Not to mention their biggest fan, this fine fellow:
The mustachioed former minister called them 'hilariously funny' and and that they filled him with 'great pride about the fact that two local lads, who are obviously very intelligent and very, very musically orientated and can be very, very funny, have the prospect of topping the charts at Christmas and beating the guy who won 'The X Factor'. An appearance on the Late Late Show, as well as a star turn explaining the intricacies of metaphor and satire to bewildered Liveline listeners, and Blindboy Boat Club and Mr.Chrome are on top of the world.
Well, Limerick anyway.
4) Julian Assange
3) The Chilean Miners
Since the days of 9/11 we have had the phenomenon known as the rolling news story. Whether it's a flood, an earthquake or a coup you can always turn on Sky News to find that there is a story 'breaking' for about three weeks or so. Not until this wonderful tale was there such thing as a positive rolling story. As each one was lifted to safety (and book deals) the collective world cheered. Now there's a government that works.
2) Angry People
From Pat Rabbitte to that fella in Canada. From cement mixers to cherry-pickers. From Liveline to the Frontline, the best People of this Country were those who just plain went mental. For a year of such awfulness, we saw precious little protest, and the only people who did protest were doing it out of their own self interest. The visceral anger was cathartic when it happened, and we need a lot more of it next year.
1) Mary Byrne
The top spot had to be reserved for Ballyfermot's favourite daughter. In a year with so much bleakness and awful tidings Mary provided a glimmer of hope. Just a glimmer. I myself have never watched the X Factor, but I was assured by my colleague J. Murtagh that Mary was quote 'absolutely amazing so she was and there were people saying that she wasn't a good singer and that she wasn't cut out for this but she proved them wrong and fair play to Louis I dont normally like him but sure he's better than that Simon Cowell and don't get me started on Cheryl Cole...'. It continues in that vein for some time. WE wanted people to vote for mary, and they did, and here she is. I award her the Official People of This Country Gold Medal of Heroism for the year 2010. Hats off to this wonderful 'callín'.
Villains
5) The Guys who Killed the Kangaroo
Disgusting. Utterly disgusting. This was during that period of this year that Irish news went completely off the rails. Suddenly it was impossible to tell the Metro Herald from the Onion as tales of Animal abuse and insanity ran rampant in the Irish psyche. None was more disgraceful that this case, in which a number of men killed a kangaroo by feeding it ecstasy and alcohol at a deranged 'party'. What more can be said about this group of reprobates that has not already been splashed across countless tabloids. Scum.
4) George Lee
Lest We Forget. It seems a long time ago now that little boy George decided that his big brother Enda wasn't letting him play with his toys, and walked the plank of the S.S. Fine Gael. Mixed metaphors aside, George Lee's journey from bust-predicting wonderboy to washed up never-been was both magnificently quick and painfully disillusioning. There will be no easy exits from this economic black pit we find ourselves in, and no Moses to bring us to any promised land. George's retreat to the safe haven of RTE proved that no matter how incompetent the current crop of politicians is, they are not about to be displaced by a weedy bespectacled interloper on holidays from his real job.
3) Everyone Except Mary Byrne on the X-Factor
Cher for getting voted ahead of Mary. Katie for being Katie. Matt for winning and still being shite. Rebecca for not winning when she should have. One Direction for their crude remarks to Matt. Simon for doubting Mary. Louis for calling everyone a star and not just Mary. The people for not voting for MARY.
2) Michael Lowry and Jackie Healy-Rae
Some fiddled while Rome burned. Others tried to sell their buckets of water for a few pieces of silver. While this country went farther and farther down the tubes all these two CLOWNS cared about was their potholes and their Shanghai-on-Shannon Casinos. There were many this year who disgraced the office of TD but perhaps none more so than this pair of rural chancers who thought to prostitute their votes to the highest bidder. People of Kerry South, I implore you, when the little mini-me version of Jackie goes up this spring, send him and his flat cap back where they came from.
1) The Brians
Lenihan and Cowen. Not since Laurel and Hardy have a couple made such an unholy bags of a job they were handed. What can you really say about Brian and Brian Eile? At the beginning of this year, things were bad. Now, things are far worse. In between there was the Magnificent Growing Bailout, The Eternal Corner Turn and of course, the country was pawned a few weeks ago. These two messers will go down as the worst partnership in the country's history, and even now they cling to power like the political barnacles that they are. Out out out the country cries, but still we are stuck in a bizarre interregnum, in which a government with support in single digits still holds sway. A spring election will deliver its verdict, but until then, we must wait.
(J.Murtagh provided additional coverage)
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