Election Day.

Get out there and vote, everyone. Here's a little election day special, an 'interview' with local mentalist and Christian Solidarity Party candidate for Dublin South, Jane Murphy. We touch on the banking system, 9/11, global warming and much more!

General Election Roundup: February 18th

One Week Out.

The buzzword this week is 'Overall Majority'. Enda and crew, coming off a brace of debates in which Enda Did Not Make a Fool Of Himself, that is to say a pair of glorious victories, are looking into the home stretch with a real chance of forming the next government alone, or with the help of a few independents. If the People want a red tinge to the next government, they had better go and vote Labour.

Not to say that Gilmore necessarily deserves it. His attempt to position Labour as the stronger partner in the hoped for coalition has not payed off. The posters reading just 'Gilmore for Taoiseach', seem hopelessly naive. Boggling as it may be to accept, Enda has played a smart game, not engaging with his rivals and instead simply pushing policy at every opportunity. There seems a sense in the country now that Fine Gael are the party with ideas and competence, in addition to presumably a bag of fantastical magic dust that they will use to heal our finances.

Of more concern to Fine Gael is the alleged five billion euro 'hole' in their finance plan. What is the hole? Where did it come from? Is it here to harm us? Can we make use of it's advanced technology? No one seems to know the answer to these questions.

Fianna Fail seem to be going down the ah-sure-it-cant-get-any-worse route, with top ministers, (such as they are) coming out with full throated assaults on the policies of the two opposition parties. This approached farce during one of the debates when Micheal Martin alleged that the Labour party would not cut out corruption and cronyism, with the implication being that Fianna Fail have entrenched it so heavily in the country that none can move it.

The RTÉ debate alternated between astonishing boredom and Gerry Adams' occasional moments of Zen-like idiocy, such as when he explained in depth how you could get seven billion euro out of a three billion euro fund. The answer it seemed, was to establish a 32-counties socialist republic, and go on from there. The nation as a whole got sick a little in their mouths as he talked about 'human misery'. This was the one subject that Gerry was intimately familiar with, having caused liberal amounts of it throughout his long and storied terrorism career. All the while Pat hopped from one candidate to another, mangling the audience's questions into faux man-of-the-people soundbites. The whole thing was just like any other episode of the Frontline, except without even the distraction of a mentally unstable man shouting down everyone else because he wants to talk about the Jews, and he will not stop until he does.

Last week I appealed to any God who would listen for a spark of life to force this election out of the dreary forgone conclusion that it is. It appears I should have gone to Mass more.

General Election Roundup: February 13th

Well here we are. Well into the election campaign we at the PotC have finally roused ourselves to produce an article. The fact that we give our contributers no pay and even less respect sometimes leads to long absences, in which this site goes dark. I have had several angry phone calls from Mr. Prendergast over the last few weeks, which is saying something as he does not own a phone.

The election is at once explosive and inexplicably dull. With the result an almost foregone conclusion, we the People are forced to watch the side games, such as they are.

1. Fine Gael-Labour or Fine Gael-Fine Gael-Fine Gael?

For as long as anyone can remember, we have assumed that the next government would be a coalition of the centrist and centre-leftist of the aforementioned parties. For a time last year the Gilmore evangelists smelled the enticing scent of a Red C poll putting their man in front. Perhaps, they thought, this would be a coalition with rather more Red than Blue, and centre-left solutions would get pride of place at the Oireachtas Dinner Table. However with Labour fading in the polls slightly, and Fine Gael experiencing a bizarre and unexpected surge, the opposite may be true. While the actual odds of a Fine Gael majority are still slim, if Kenny pulls something spectacular in the endgame, or Gilmore is found snorting powdered kitten, the future could yet be blue.

2. Will we get fooled again?

Barely a week into the tenure of Micheal Martin and his 'Fianna Fail Nua' party, they had already experienced a modest recovery in support. The sensible among us gasped, surely we are smart enough to see past the thin veil of palaver and flim-flam that the magician from cork had spun? Surely we would not retreat back to the corrosive swamp that is Fianna Fail? Time will, of course, tell.

3. How farcical will Sinn Fein become, and will we vote for them anyway?

Sinn Fein, having ostensibly traded their Armalites for extra large ballot boxes, are throwing themselves head first into the churning seas of real policy. However it appears that the Sinn Fein brain trust is comprised of a number of uneducated former terrorists, possibly assisted by a balaclava-ed mannequin draped in a tricolour. After producing a ten-point plan rife with both policies defying the laws of nature and more typos than a drunk man's text message, each of the Sinn Fein bigwigs had a competition to see who could appear more foolish and out-of-their-depth in the national media. The polling however, does not suggest any dip in support as a result of this pseudo-socialist carnival, so perhaps we are forced to conclude that the people who vote for Sinn Fein are not the sort to let petty things like reality get in the way of their fantastical 32 counties pipe dream.

4. Will the election be hijacked by Abortion and the Irish Language?

In the last number of days we have been requested to vote for neither Fine Gael nor Labour, on the basis that they will murder our national language and our unborn, respectively. While you may question the relevant of issues like the teaching of the Irish language in the face of such commanding economic issues, it appears some do not. Whatever your views on the future of our native tongue, I would implore you not to listen to the hysterical voices of those who view tin whistles as more important than emigration.

As to the abortion issue, all that needs to be said is that the accusers are the IONA institute. I think Labour are safe.

5. Debates?

We have already had a single debate, such as it was. With Enda sitting this one out, it quickly became a forum for Martin to show off what a great speaker he is, and why you should pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, particularly when that man is Willie O Dea, returned to the FF front bench. Enda, bizarrely, came off well as he avoided the pummeling that Gilmore received and had only to face a bearded shouting man, angry at someone or about something, it wasn't quite clear.

The election takes place in less than two weeks. Here at the People of This Country, we are still waiting for the spark that will turn this genteel contest into a rollicking punch-up, with hopefully some pie-in-the-face, fight-up-a-telephone-pole action. Roll on February 25th.

Morning

It's morning.


Ireland has awoken from an awful dream, covered in metaphorical sweat and with the proverbial duvet hanging from the rhetorical celing fan. The final death throes of this awful regime played out last night as Brian Cowen dropped the ceremonial Disprin into the traditional giant glass of water, thus dissolving the 30th Dáil.


As I wander the streets of my city this morning, a burden seems lifted. Certainly this country is still in crisis. The damage that has been done will not be easily repaired, but at least we can now attempt to 'dig up' rather than widening the hole.


For the first time since 1997 this country is no longer under the sway of a Fianna Fail government. The election to come seems certain to deliver an alternative, whether that be a Fine Gael majority, a Fine Gael-Labour coalition, Labour-ULA, FG-SF or an alliance between the Muslim Brotherhood and the Fathers For Justice Party, for the indefinite future we will not have to look at a grotesque FF parody of what a leader should be.


In my joy this morning I interviewed several 'Members of the Public' for their views on the collapse of Fianna Fail and the Election to come.






Tom Doyle, Assistant Vice President (Self Employed)

I think it's absolutely fantastic. I always hated Brian Cowen and never voted for him. Of course I voted Seamus Brennan in 97' and 02' and 07' but that's because he was great on local issues and sure didn't he die aswell. Who will I vote for now? I don't know, my family would never forgive me if I voted socialist and sure look at your man Enda, would you want him as Taoiseach? Ha! I suppose I just wont vote at all. Or maybe Fathers For Justice down the ticket...

Sister Immaculata Concepta, Nun (Unemployed)

God I wish I could vote for Dev. Maybe a write in ballot for Dev.

Shane Robinson, Homeless Man, (Self Employed)


What? You have to press this one if you're going to Sandyford. Do you have a Euro for a hostel?


Donald Kehoe, Taxi Driver (Borderline Unemployed)

I suppose whatever Independent is the most poorly educated, has the largest criminal record and the least chance of getting in. There's a fella I like in my area who running from his jail cell in Mountjoy. I think he set fire to a Guard or something. 'Put him in to get him out' and all that.


Well, the People have spoken it would appear. They don't want Enda for reasons they can't articulate. They dont want Fianna Fail for reasons too crude to publish. They dont want Labour out of some lingering fear of the Red Menace. The question we ask over the next few weeks is, who do they want?

ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE

GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGEOUT

We the People of This Country are Disgusted, 

This wont work Cowen we know you're trying to get away with it by resigning as leader of Fianna Fail but not as Taoiseach what are you saying that Fianna Fail is more important than the Country or the People well it's not it's just some stupid little boys club at this point and after the next election it won't even be that sure you can put Martin at the helm and try to salvage a few votes for 'New' Fianna Fail but at the end of the day it's the same old cronies and the same old policies Fianna Fail must be destroyed and perhaps then we can start to rebuild This Country but first we must end the political careers of Biffo and Bertie and Martin and the rest of the gobshites in FIANNA FAIL.

GERRY RYAN COCAINE CLIMATE THAW

We the People of this Country are Disgusted,

Ah here now the papers today are shouting that Gerry Ryan died of a cocaine overdose and that may well be true but the man has been dead for ages now would you not leave him in peace and I know he was obnoxious and an idiot to do cocaine but surely he's paid the ultimate price and theres no need to plaster his face all over the red tops and sure it's just like that Katie French one except that this time we're practically digging up the man to start our moralizing at him and sure it was great to see a bit of a thaw in the weather just like there was a thaw at that climate conference and sure I don't understand it but it sounds good and the only problem is that theres more snow for next week so maybe we need a bit of climate change here anyway whats for sure is we need a change of government they say that Fianna Fail have given Cowen a vote of confidence well I don't care if Fianna Fail supported Hitler it doesn't mean he has the support of the Country or the People or anyone at all.

FOUR YEAR PLAN SPECIAL

We the People of This Country are Disgusted,

Occasionally there comes a time when the combined and undirected rage of the People comes together into a focused beam of anger and tonight the target is the four year plan ah here now lads this is the final nail in the coffin of Fianna Fail as if it wasn't enough that that chancer Bertie took us to the brink of the cliff and Cowen pushed us off now he's kicking our lifeless corpse and the stuff that's in this plan would make you vomit up your macaroon bars they're talking about cutting a euro off the minimum wage well that may not sound like a lot to you Mr.Cowen with your fourteen pensions and your ministerial cars but a euro an hour is a big deal when you're living on the breadline and they're now TAXING these people again so they have you coming and going and there's a lot of talk about the minimum wage how about a MAXIMUM WAGE BRIAN how about you take some of this pain you were talking about but you never will you bloody corrupt awful thing you're taxing people to oblivion you're cutting people's pay you're slashing services you're DESTROYING THIS COUNTRY and we the People will vote you and your rotten party out of existence if we have any backbone at all you need to get out get out get out NOW not March not January NOW.

GREENS PULL OUT ELECTION LOOMS

We the People of This Country are Disgusted,

Finally after two years of making excuses and hiding behind their windmills the Greens aren't supporting Fianna Fail anymore and we might get an election in January but Cowen still thinks he'll last til February or March and no you won't Mr.Cowen you need to LEAVE NOW you're not wanted anymore you've lost the support of the People you've lost the support of the Greens you've even lost the support of your own party you're the worst Taoiseach this country has ever had bar none and that's saying something you awful eejit you need to feck off back to whatever hole you came from you're party is about to be destroyed and it's game over the jig is up you need to LEAVE.

BOND YIELDS CHEESE AGAIN

We the People of This Country are Disgusted,

Turning on the radio in the mornings you could be forgiven for getting confused between the Irish bond yields and Cowen's approval rating well I tell you I'm surprised at how high both of them are sure isn't the country about to go bust and the only people we can borrow from are those fellas who send you dodgy emails from foreign places and everyones saying that we can't pay the debt and isn't that one Merkel going on about how Ireland is in the toilet but sure we owe her a lot shes holding the country together with both hands and sure isn't Germany doing well but thats because they never had Fianna Fail to ruin their boom with the corruption and the cronyism and that awful Charlie McCreevy with his tax cuts well you can't cut taxes and increase spending you big thick smug mentaller you should have been sent packing back in 1998 and sure it's a terrible pity we voted out John Bruton sure there was an honest man who did good him and Ruari Quinn ran the country well and just because they tried to put a tax on children's shoes and look at the fellas we put in instead led by that scoundrel Bertie and the deregulating arseholes the PDs although poor Harney was attacked again and there were eejits throwing cheese at her and I know the cheese thing was off the wall but thats no excuse to start lashing Charleville at the poor woman even if she is supporting FIANNA FAIL.

CHEESE BY-ELECTION STORM

We the People of This Country are Disgusted,

Ah here come on now is the government trying to be ridiculous they come out with a plan to give free cheese to poor people well you must be joking me the People of This Country not able to afford Christmas presents for the kids because of Fianna Fail and Cowen and now he tells us it'll be alright because he's giving us cheese well you can sod off with your cheese you big ignorant thick and sure the People are about to deliver their verdict in Donegal but where are the other three elections and wheres the general election Cowen the People want you out of office and at least that McDaid had the decency to bow out but sure isn't he getting an awful big pension well you'll all be on pensions now because we're voting you out and there's a storm about to hit Dublin but it's nothing compared to the storm that'll hit FIANNA FAIL.