CRONYISM RUINED THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY

We the People of this Country are Mortified at the hypocrisy of the editor of this publication which after Gerry left us was the only beacon of morality and watchdog of the Corrupt who knows what happened to him but since there's been neither sight nor sound of him since the election we can only assume the worst that he's in league with the Government and doesn't care about the poor People who are still waiting living on welfare and on disability because whatever is going on he has himself looked after the bastard.

Election Day.

Get out there and vote, everyone. Here's a little election day special, an 'interview' with local mentalist and Christian Solidarity Party candidate for Dublin South, Jane Murphy. We touch on the banking system, 9/11, global warming and much more!

General Election Roundup: February 18th

One Week Out.

The buzzword this week is 'Overall Majority'. Enda and crew, coming off a brace of debates in which Enda Did Not Make a Fool Of Himself, that is to say a pair of glorious victories, are looking into the home stretch with a real chance of forming the next government alone, or with the help of a few independents. If the People want a red tinge to the next government, they had better go and vote Labour.

Not to say that Gilmore necessarily deserves it. His attempt to position Labour as the stronger partner in the hoped for coalition has not payed off. The posters reading just 'Gilmore for Taoiseach', seem hopelessly naive. Boggling as it may be to accept, Enda has played a smart game, not engaging with his rivals and instead simply pushing policy at every opportunity. There seems a sense in the country now that Fine Gael are the party with ideas and competence, in addition to presumably a bag of fantastical magic dust that they will use to heal our finances.

Of more concern to Fine Gael is the alleged five billion euro 'hole' in their finance plan. What is the hole? Where did it come from? Is it here to harm us? Can we make use of it's advanced technology? No one seems to know the answer to these questions.

Fianna Fail seem to be going down the ah-sure-it-cant-get-any-worse route, with top ministers, (such as they are) coming out with full throated assaults on the policies of the two opposition parties. This approached farce during one of the debates when Micheal Martin alleged that the Labour party would not cut out corruption and cronyism, with the implication being that Fianna Fail have entrenched it so heavily in the country that none can move it.

The RTÉ debate alternated between astonishing boredom and Gerry Adams' occasional moments of Zen-like idiocy, such as when he explained in depth how you could get seven billion euro out of a three billion euro fund. The answer it seemed, was to establish a 32-counties socialist republic, and go on from there. The nation as a whole got sick a little in their mouths as he talked about 'human misery'. This was the one subject that Gerry was intimately familiar with, having caused liberal amounts of it throughout his long and storied terrorism career. All the while Pat hopped from one candidate to another, mangling the audience's questions into faux man-of-the-people soundbites. The whole thing was just like any other episode of the Frontline, except without even the distraction of a mentally unstable man shouting down everyone else because he wants to talk about the Jews, and he will not stop until he does.

Last week I appealed to any God who would listen for a spark of life to force this election out of the dreary forgone conclusion that it is. It appears I should have gone to Mass more.

General Election Roundup: February 13th

Well here we are. Well into the election campaign we at the PotC have finally roused ourselves to produce an article. The fact that we give our contributers no pay and even less respect sometimes leads to long absences, in which this site goes dark. I have had several angry phone calls from Mr. Prendergast over the last few weeks, which is saying something as he does not own a phone.

The election is at once explosive and inexplicably dull. With the result an almost foregone conclusion, we the People are forced to watch the side games, such as they are.

1. Fine Gael-Labour or Fine Gael-Fine Gael-Fine Gael?

For as long as anyone can remember, we have assumed that the next government would be a coalition of the centrist and centre-leftist of the aforementioned parties. For a time last year the Gilmore evangelists smelled the enticing scent of a Red C poll putting their man in front. Perhaps, they thought, this would be a coalition with rather more Red than Blue, and centre-left solutions would get pride of place at the Oireachtas Dinner Table. However with Labour fading in the polls slightly, and Fine Gael experiencing a bizarre and unexpected surge, the opposite may be true. While the actual odds of a Fine Gael majority are still slim, if Kenny pulls something spectacular in the endgame, or Gilmore is found snorting powdered kitten, the future could yet be blue.

2. Will we get fooled again?

Barely a week into the tenure of Micheal Martin and his 'Fianna Fail Nua' party, they had already experienced a modest recovery in support. The sensible among us gasped, surely we are smart enough to see past the thin veil of palaver and flim-flam that the magician from cork had spun? Surely we would not retreat back to the corrosive swamp that is Fianna Fail? Time will, of course, tell.

3. How farcical will Sinn Fein become, and will we vote for them anyway?

Sinn Fein, having ostensibly traded their Armalites for extra large ballot boxes, are throwing themselves head first into the churning seas of real policy. However it appears that the Sinn Fein brain trust is comprised of a number of uneducated former terrorists, possibly assisted by a balaclava-ed mannequin draped in a tricolour. After producing a ten-point plan rife with both policies defying the laws of nature and more typos than a drunk man's text message, each of the Sinn Fein bigwigs had a competition to see who could appear more foolish and out-of-their-depth in the national media. The polling however, does not suggest any dip in support as a result of this pseudo-socialist carnival, so perhaps we are forced to conclude that the people who vote for Sinn Fein are not the sort to let petty things like reality get in the way of their fantastical 32 counties pipe dream.

4. Will the election be hijacked by Abortion and the Irish Language?

In the last number of days we have been requested to vote for neither Fine Gael nor Labour, on the basis that they will murder our national language and our unborn, respectively. While you may question the relevant of issues like the teaching of the Irish language in the face of such commanding economic issues, it appears some do not. Whatever your views on the future of our native tongue, I would implore you not to listen to the hysterical voices of those who view tin whistles as more important than emigration.

As to the abortion issue, all that needs to be said is that the accusers are the IONA institute. I think Labour are safe.

5. Debates?

We have already had a single debate, such as it was. With Enda sitting this one out, it quickly became a forum for Martin to show off what a great speaker he is, and why you should pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, particularly when that man is Willie O Dea, returned to the FF front bench. Enda, bizarrely, came off well as he avoided the pummeling that Gilmore received and had only to face a bearded shouting man, angry at someone or about something, it wasn't quite clear.

The election takes place in less than two weeks. Here at the People of This Country, we are still waiting for the spark that will turn this genteel contest into a rollicking punch-up, with hopefully some pie-in-the-face, fight-up-a-telephone-pole action. Roll on February 25th.

LATE LATE PROPAGANDA

We the People of this Country are Disgusted,

Fianna Fail are out of government but a change of government doesn't solve all our problems no not by a long shot the next little dictator that needs to be de-throned is that bastard Ryan Tubridy not only is he a FF man throughandthrough but he and RTE have made an unholy mockery of the Late Late Show which was a shining beacon back in Gaybo's time Gaybo had class and he had balls he wasn't afraid to ask the hard questions and he broke so many taboos in this country like about the gays and sure didn't he launch Boyzone who were brilliant but now Tubbers and before him Pat Kenny have made an absolute dog's dinner of the Late Late getting celebrities in to talk to other celebrities about their personal experience of the economic crisis and ignoring abortion because they're completely detached from reality altogether only a few weeks ago while this country was in the throes of a leadership crisis they had Jim Corr and some ponce from the United Kingdom Independence Party saying how 9/11 was faked and climate change is a hoax well no one doubts that America had a hand in knocking over those towers but there are more important things to be talking about than a secret race of lizard people who control the world.

Morning

It's morning.


Ireland has awoken from an awful dream, covered in metaphorical sweat and with the proverbial duvet hanging from the rhetorical celing fan. The final death throes of this awful regime played out last night as Brian Cowen dropped the ceremonial Disprin into the traditional giant glass of water, thus dissolving the 30th Dáil.


As I wander the streets of my city this morning, a burden seems lifted. Certainly this country is still in crisis. The damage that has been done will not be easily repaired, but at least we can now attempt to 'dig up' rather than widening the hole.


For the first time since 1997 this country is no longer under the sway of a Fianna Fail government. The election to come seems certain to deliver an alternative, whether that be a Fine Gael majority, a Fine Gael-Labour coalition, Labour-ULA, FG-SF or an alliance between the Muslim Brotherhood and the Fathers For Justice Party, for the indefinite future we will not have to look at a grotesque FF parody of what a leader should be.


In my joy this morning I interviewed several 'Members of the Public' for their views on the collapse of Fianna Fail and the Election to come.






Tom Doyle, Assistant Vice President (Self Employed)

I think it's absolutely fantastic. I always hated Brian Cowen and never voted for him. Of course I voted Seamus Brennan in 97' and 02' and 07' but that's because he was great on local issues and sure didn't he die aswell. Who will I vote for now? I don't know, my family would never forgive me if I voted socialist and sure look at your man Enda, would you want him as Taoiseach? Ha! I suppose I just wont vote at all. Or maybe Fathers For Justice down the ticket...

Sister Immaculata Concepta, Nun (Unemployed)

God I wish I could vote for Dev. Maybe a write in ballot for Dev.

Shane Robinson, Homeless Man, (Self Employed)


What? You have to press this one if you're going to Sandyford. Do you have a Euro for a hostel?


Donald Kehoe, Taxi Driver (Borderline Unemployed)

I suppose whatever Independent is the most poorly educated, has the largest criminal record and the least chance of getting in. There's a fella I like in my area who running from his jail cell in Mountjoy. I think he set fire to a Guard or something. 'Put him in to get him out' and all that.


Well, the People have spoken it would appear. They don't want Enda for reasons they can't articulate. They dont want Fianna Fail for reasons too crude to publish. They dont want Labour out of some lingering fear of the Red Menace. The question we ask over the next few weeks is, who do they want?

ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE

GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGEOUT

We the People of This Country are Disgusted, 

This wont work Cowen we know you're trying to get away with it by resigning as leader of Fianna Fail but not as Taoiseach what are you saying that Fianna Fail is more important than the Country or the People well it's not it's just some stupid little boys club at this point and after the next election it won't even be that sure you can put Martin at the helm and try to salvage a few votes for 'New' Fianna Fail but at the end of the day it's the same old cronies and the same old policies Fianna Fail must be destroyed and perhaps then we can start to rebuild This Country but first we must end the political careers of Biffo and Bertie and Martin and the rest of the gobshites in FIANNA FAIL.

2010: Antiheroes, Mixed-Bags and Non-Entities of the Year

This 2010 retrospective is taking place in late January, as befits this crowd of misfits who not only failed to define the year, but left us all scratching our heads in idiotic confusion like the shaved gorillas that we are.

Antiheroes

Gerry Ryan

Ah, Ger Ger. Mr. Ryan, a beloved-by-some-hated-by-others radio shock jock, passed away this summer. However he will regret not living long enough to attend his funeral as the nation began wailing and rending its collective clothes as though this were a repeat of that whole 9/11 business, or someone had just said 'Princess Diana' in a sad way. The mourning and venerating of the man went so far over the top it may have been possible to see China. From all corners of the nation people were calling old Gerry a genius, a poet, a prophet and possibly a candidate for fast-track sainthood. Yes, it seemed Gerry could fly no higher than when he was six feet under.

Inevitably, it all fell to pieces. Towards the end of the year, just at the point when most of us had accepted Ryan Tubridy's voice as a reasonable substitute, some news arrived that would shock us all.

But not really though. Everyone knew that Ryan was a heavy cocaine user. To call it an open secret would be understating it massively. Yet everyone from the top of RTÉ to the loneliest listener claimed that they had no foreknowledge, that they were shocked, and yes, appalled at his conduct. The denouncement began in earnest. Gerry was a cautionary tale, a fatter Katie French, a man who some whispered 'got what he deserved'.

Of course all this was ludicrous hyperbole. Ryan was merely a human being. He was flawed and something of an idiot for his continued drug use, but neither a monster nor a saint. He was not worthy of venerating, not worthy of condemnation and certainly not worthy of the countless column inches spent pouring repulsively over ever gory detail of his life.

Mixed Bags and Non-Entities coming soon.

ANGLO BOOK RIGGING AGAIN

We the People of this Country are Disgusted,

Fool us once Sean Fitzpatrick shame on you fool us twice shame on you AND your cohort Brian Cowen but there's no wonder Seany was keeping so quiet for so long he made a quick buck out of the People of this Country with Anglo and as soon as that went belly up he was scheming for another way to get our money and thats why him and those shameless wankers from the Irish Times are spewing out this book they're calling it the Fitzpatrick Tapes even though its clearly a book what the hell are they going to call it when they put it on tape well it doesn't matter cause no one will be buying that rubbish the People even if you sell it for the iPad we don't care what you and that gobshite said on that round of golf we just want to see the both of you IN JAIL.

ROY KEANE SACKED HOSPITAL TROLLEYS BACK

We the People of This Country are Disgusted,

Ah here now we didn't want this as a Christmas present poor Roy Keane was fired as manager and yes he was terrible and yes they lost a few games and yes they're down at the bottom of the table but this is Keano we're talking about this is the man who saved Ireland so many times and if he hadn't been hounded out by that arsehole Mick McCarthy he might still be playing for our national side and maybe then we wouldn't have let Henry kick us out of the World Cup because you don't let the ball bounce in the six yard box unless you're Paul McShane and sure then you're a liability and they say that there might be snow again and none of us want that but sure none of us want to wait on a hospital trolley but thats whats happening because of this government that are somehow STILL HERE.

2010: Heroes and Villains

Dear Friends,

Here we are, at the end of the first year of this little project. We have at times had some laughs. But it's also fair to say that there have been times this year when we have become more angry than we ever thought possible. 2010 was by no one's standards a good year. It saw both the destruction of Irish sovereignty and the death of Irish hopes. From the Brian's to the Chilean Miners, we highlight ten people who defined this year, for good or ill.

Heroes

5) The Rubberbandits

A late incluson into the list, these Limerick based jokers proved that there is in fact no level of satire at which there will not be a moral panic on Joe Duffy's Liveline. They are just now reaching the apex of their popularity, as their lament 'Horse Outside' is slated to be Ireland's Christmas Number One (Editors note: Sadly, that awful Matt Cardle thing won instead). Not to mention their biggest fan, this fine fellow: 

The mustachioed former minister called them 'hilariously funny' and and that they filled him with 'great pride about the fact that two local lads, who are obviously very intelligent and very, very musically orientated and can be very, very funny, have the prospect of topping the charts at Christmas and beating the guy who won 'The X Factor'. An appearance on the Late Late Show, as well as a star turn explaining the intricacies of metaphor and satire to bewildered Liveline listeners, and Blindboy Boat Club and Mr.Chrome are on top of the world. 


Well, Limerick anyway.


4) Julian Assange 

This entry represents a startling 'chas timpeall' on the part of the People of this Country team. While Initially we felt that Mr.Assange and his Wikileaks were being reckless in their airing of various nations dirty laundry, and that people lives may be at risk, these fears turned out to be unfounded. Furthermore, the leaks implicated one Gerry Adams in the 2004 bank robbery. Now of course we all knew that the bold Gerry and his mate Martin were fully aware of this little caper, but it was extremely nice to see it all laid out in black and white. We tip our collective hats to you, Julian, even if you are in a spot of 'tribloid' with the law at the moment (or more accurately, with the CIA).

3) The Chilean Miners


Since the days of 9/11 we have had the phenomenon known as the rolling news story. Whether it's a flood, an earthquake or a coup you can always turn on Sky News to find that there is a story 'breaking' for about three weeks or so. Not until this wonderful tale was there such thing as a positive rolling story. As each one was lifted to safety (and book deals) the collective world cheered. Now there's a government that works.


2) Angry People 


From Pat Rabbitte to that fella in Canada. From cement mixers to cherry-pickers. From Liveline to the Frontline, the best People of this Country were those who just plain went mental. For a year of such awfulness, we saw precious little protest, and the only people who did protest were doing it out of their own self interest. The visceral anger was cathartic when it happened, and we need a lot more of it next year.


1) Mary Byrne 


The top spot had to be reserved for Ballyfermot's favourite daughter. In a year with so much bleakness and awful tidings Mary provided a glimmer of hope. Just a glimmer. I myself have never watched the X Factor, but I was assured by my colleague J. Murtagh that Mary was quote 'absolutely amazing so she was and there were people saying that she wasn't a good singer and that she wasn't cut out for this but she proved them wrong and fair play to Louis I dont normally like him but sure he's better than that Simon Cowell and don't get me started on Cheryl Cole...'. It continues in that vein for some time. WE wanted people to vote for mary, and they did, and here she is. I award her the Official People of This Country Gold Medal of Heroism for the year 2010. Hats off to this wonderful 'callín'.


Villains


5) The Guys who Killed the Kangaroo


Disgusting. Utterly disgusting. This was during that period of this year that Irish news went completely off the rails. Suddenly it was impossible to tell the Metro Herald from the Onion as tales of Animal abuse and insanity ran rampant in the Irish psyche. None was more disgraceful that this case, in which a number of men killed a kangaroo by feeding it ecstasy and alcohol at a deranged 'party'. What more can be said about this group of reprobates that has not already been splashed across countless tabloids. Scum. 


4) George Lee


Lest We Forget. It seems a long time ago now that little boy George decided that his big brother Enda wasn't letting him play with his toys, and walked the plank of the S.S. Fine Gael. Mixed metaphors aside, George Lee's journey from bust-predicting wonderboy to washed up never-been was both magnificently quick and painfully disillusioning. There will be no easy exits from this economic black pit we find ourselves in, and no Moses to bring us to any promised land. George's retreat to the safe haven of RTE proved that no matter how incompetent the current crop of politicians is, they are not about to be displaced by a weedy bespectacled interloper on holidays from his real job.


3) Everyone Except Mary Byrne on the X-Factor


Cher for getting voted ahead of Mary. Katie for being Katie. Matt for winning and still being shite. Rebecca for not winning when she should have. One Direction for their crude remarks to Matt. Simon for doubting Mary. Louis for calling everyone a star and not just Mary. The people for not voting for MARY.


2) Michael Lowry and Jackie Healy-Rae 


Some fiddled while Rome burned. Others tried to sell their buckets of water for a few pieces of silver. While this country went farther and farther down the tubes all these two CLOWNS cared about was their potholes and their Shanghai-on-Shannon Casinos. There were many this year who disgraced the office of TD but perhaps none more so than this pair of rural chancers who thought to prostitute their votes to the highest bidder. People of Kerry South, I implore you, when the little mini-me version of Jackie goes up this spring, send him and his flat cap back where they came from. 


1) The Brians


Lenihan and Cowen. Not since Laurel and Hardy have a couple made such an unholy bags of a job they were handed. What can you really say about Brian and Brian Eile? At the beginning of this year, things were bad. Now, things are far worse. In between there was the Magnificent Growing Bailout, The Eternal Corner Turn and of course, the country was pawned a few weeks ago. These two messers will go down as the worst partnership in the country's history, and even now they cling to power like the political barnacles that they are. Out out out the country cries, but still we are stuck in a bizarre interregnum, in which a government with support in single digits still holds sway. A spring election will deliver its verdict, but until then, we must wait. 


(J.Murtagh provided additional coverage)

BRIAN LENIHAN DICTATOR BERLUSCONI SLEAZE

We the People of this Country are Disgusted,

There was a Labour fella on the radio tonight and he said that after they passed the banking bill that Brian Lenihan is now dictator of Ireland and surely thats going a bit far I mean he is a total arsehole and he fecked up the Country with his Fianna Fail cronies and they should be turfed out of office but it's a bit much to start comparing him to Stalin or Hitler or one of those fellas in the Congo I mean he's not even wearing any special hat or anything and this is just like after the budget when the red tops had a picture of him in a Nazi uniform and thats going a bit far and sure at least he isn't a sleazy fecker like your man Berlusconi and he's nothing like our Ber thats Ber Cowen who was a fine man and sure wouldn't he be disgusted at his son clinging to power just like Berlusconi and they say he should have been out but he handed a load of them brown envelopes out and now he's still in and they were rioting on the streets of Rome and it's more than we're doing sure we should be rioting after what was done to this Country by the Bankers and the Developers and FIANNA FAIL.

GERRY RYAN COCAINE CLIMATE THAW

We the People of this Country are Disgusted,

Ah here now the papers today are shouting that Gerry Ryan died of a cocaine overdose and that may well be true but the man has been dead for ages now would you not leave him in peace and I know he was obnoxious and an idiot to do cocaine but surely he's paid the ultimate price and theres no need to plaster his face all over the red tops and sure it's just like that Katie French one except that this time we're practically digging up the man to start our moralizing at him and sure it was great to see a bit of a thaw in the weather just like there was a thaw at that climate conference and sure I don't understand it but it sounds good and the only problem is that theres more snow for next week so maybe we need a bit of climate change here anyway whats for sure is we need a change of government they say that Fianna Fail have given Cowen a vote of confidence well I don't care if Fianna Fail supported Hitler it doesn't mean he has the support of the Country or the People or anyone at all.

SNOW MORE MARY BYRNE

More effing snow sure didn't we all think that it was terrific that we were getting a bit of snow and RTE running their 10-minute snow photo slide show to give us a bit of a break from the gloom or the Gloomtimes as some are calling it aren't we more like themselves in Iceland every day first the banks then the snow what's next for this little isle well this afternoon we'll have the Budget 2011 no better day to have it than on the anniversary of the Pearl Harbour cause that's what it is a bunch of foreigners flying in and ruining our lives but you can't really blame them it was Bertie and the lads who invited them it was only a matter of time and now we have to fix this Country but what doesn't need fixing is that X-Factor cause it's already fixed sure they said they weren't even going to have a sing-off but then Mary Byrne got more votes than they expected and they had to rig the whole thing to get that filthy little shit Cher through but sure it's no surprise the English have been underestimating us from day one well you can kick Mary out of your little competition but she's not going back to work in your Tesco empire if there is one job left in this country that woman should get it and if I had my way it would be the office of An Taoiseach.

Spirit of the Boom: Patio Heaters

Good evening, dear friends. Today I'm happy to announce a new regular feature here on the People of This Country: 'The Spirit of the Boom'. The SotB as we like to call it remembers a time not so long past but one that seems more distant than ever. I am of course referring to the Boomtimes. The Celtic Tiger. Ireland's Economic Miracle. The dream that became a nightmare.

While we here at the PotC rightly decry the horrendous ineptitude and cronyism that made our economy collapse like a poorly built two-up two-down in Lakeview Pine Manor Terrace, that does not stop us from reminiscing about that wonderful time when, to quote one notable commentator: 'We were all millionaires'. I will be presenting tonight's SotB. The column may be written in subsequent weeks by one of our fantastic staff writers, or perhaps by some special guests. I do hope that this feature affords us all some measure of respite from the daily grinding crushing ordeal that is living in Modern Eirinn.

The Spirit of the Boom: Patio Heaters

Tonight we cast our minds back to ages past. To that brief period around 2003 or so, when the People of this Country decided to heat the outdoors.

Yes, truly it was a golden age. A shout went up through the land. While we may not have Mediterranean weather, we could all have Al Fresco parties. The notorious Irish climate no longer intruded on the soirees that were surely our solemn birthright. Hail, rain or 'sneacta' you would be sitting pretty. A quick trip down to Woodies (to hell with it, B and Q, and hang the expense!) would net you a magnificent specimen, in shining silver or glorious green. Resembling a small, metallic, misshapen tree that didn't look anything like a tree, this wonderful machine would render even the most frigid decking a tropical paradise, where one's milieu could sit until the wee hours of the morning, sipping west coast cooler and discussing one's new Bulgarian 'house' (250,000 Euro, plus assorted bribery fees).

Perhaps the thought entered some peoples heads that someday, if we all turned on our heaters at once, and cranked up the power, that we would permanently increase Ireland's temperature, and our quest to become the California of Western Europe would be complete! Then just think of the possibilities! We could have our own version of the Hills! We could wander around in chinos and polo shirts! We could use words like 'Dude' and 'Awesome' and 'Totes'! With this in mind a good number of our more impressionable youth got ahead of themselves, and put the cart somewhat before the horse.

So what killed this Utopian dream? Well it is perhaps tempting to say 'The Recession' and leave it at that. the truth however is more complicated. The proverbial rot had metaphorically set in long before the first cries of 'Bailout' and 'NAMA'. The Patio Heater had the ill fortune to go up against a power far greater than itself. The awesome force of Middle Class Smugness.

The 2000's were the years we all went 'Green'. We cut our carbon footprint and began to 'care' about the earth. Global Warming was on everyone's lips. Now of course this didn't extend to cancelling our dozen or so international flights a year, or installing a functioning public transport system, or seriously investing in an alternative energy infrastructure, or changing our lifestyle habits one tiny little bit, or indeed anything that would make a substantial difference in halting the devastation of Climate Change. No, but god help us if we were to see an incandescent bulb dangling from our ceilings.

A middle aged woman would step out into her friend's garden, and suddenly a smirk would cross her features. 'Oh', she would say, 'you still use a Patio Heater? I suppose you don't care about our children's future.'

Shame. Shame upon you and your 2.5 kids and your Toyota Prius and your CFLs. The next day the patio heater was hidden deep in the recesses of your shed, or consigned forlornly to the skip, along with the fridge which you had decided to replace with an 'American style' version for reasons that never became apparent.

I for one, will mourn it's loss. This noble gas-powered giant kept many a smoker warm in it's all too brief time on this earth. You abandoned your friend because he wasn't cool anymore, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves. Good night, dear Patio Heater. you will be missed.

A Poem, for these dark times.

Good afternoon dear friends. I have returned to you. I wish to share with you a poem, an excerpt from my latest poetry collection: 'Tis Pity She's a Fianna Fail Voter', which will be available from TOD Publishing in time for Christmas. You may not agree with my 'meter' but surely you will agree with the sentiment. I hope you enjoy.

'The Big Freeze.'

The sneactha is falling,

It covers the land.

Our loss of sovereignty galling,

But we need the helping hand.

No man of any party,

Of any creed or race,

Can save us from the bailouts,

Can help us save face.

For the Bankers and the developers,

The Brians one and and all,

Have destroyed this fair Island,

A fate none can stall.

If Ber Cowen were alive today

If his ghost could rise once more,

I know not what he would say,

to see the youth gone by the score.

But his son is the one who doomed us,

This we must not forget,

Some say to throw him under a bus,

Some shake their heads in regret.

The Big Freeze sets in,

There is no end in sight,

There is no way to win,

And this year was frankly shite.

PROTEST MARCH KOREA SNOW

We the People of this Country are Disgusted,

On the streets today the People expressed their anger with the government and Brian Cowen and the rest of them chancers who are putting us under a prison sentence of 6.7% that we'll never pay off and our children's children will still be hammering away at the 92% High Cost Fund Surcharge Maxi Tax in order to pay back the 200 BILLION that we've pawned the country to the IMF for and sure the march was great but what wasn't great was that chancer David Begg you champagne socialist you lay down with Fianna Fail during the boom times and you make a ridiculous wage you should be shunted out along with the rest of them and it's terrible to see us on the front page of every international paper and the only thing to knock us off was the Koreans at each other and god I hope it doesn't turn into something worse that last thing we need is another war and that might be even worse than 13 years under Fianna Fail and things are so bad that the weather has started to copy the mood of the country and Jesus isn't it well cold and just as I'm saying this it's started to snow outside well pretty soon we'll have revolution and war and the overthrow of the government and it'll be exactly like that film Dr.Zhivago.

FOUR YEAR PLAN SPECIAL

We the People of This Country are Disgusted,

Occasionally there comes a time when the combined and undirected rage of the People comes together into a focused beam of anger and tonight the target is the four year plan ah here now lads this is the final nail in the coffin of Fianna Fail as if it wasn't enough that that chancer Bertie took us to the brink of the cliff and Cowen pushed us off now he's kicking our lifeless corpse and the stuff that's in this plan would make you vomit up your macaroon bars they're talking about cutting a euro off the minimum wage well that may not sound like a lot to you Mr.Cowen with your fourteen pensions and your ministerial cars but a euro an hour is a big deal when you're living on the breadline and they're now TAXING these people again so they have you coming and going and there's a lot of talk about the minimum wage how about a MAXIMUM WAGE BRIAN how about you take some of this pain you were talking about but you never will you bloody corrupt awful thing you're taxing people to oblivion you're cutting people's pay you're slashing services you're DESTROYING THIS COUNTRY and we the People will vote you and your rotten party out of existence if we have any backbone at all you need to get out get out get out NOW not March not January NOW.

GREENS PULL OUT ELECTION LOOMS

We the People of This Country are Disgusted,

Finally after two years of making excuses and hiding behind their windmills the Greens aren't supporting Fianna Fail anymore and we might get an election in January but Cowen still thinks he'll last til February or March and no you won't Mr.Cowen you need to LEAVE NOW you're not wanted anymore you've lost the support of the People you've lost the support of the Greens you've even lost the support of your own party you're the worst Taoiseach this country has ever had bar none and that's saying something you awful eejit you need to feck off back to whatever hole you came from you're party is about to be destroyed and it's game over the jig is up you need to LEAVE.

'Ireland's Sovereignty is Dead and Gone, It's With Ahern in the Cupboard.'

Dear Friends,

I know that I previously stated that I would 'stay out of the way' and let the wise words of Peter and J. wash over you but there comes a time when one can no longer 'stay silent'.

As I write this, 'high-ups' in the EU and the IMF sit in Leinster House, pulling the reins of government, as Brian Cowen and the rest of his Fianna Fáil cronies bow down to outside influence, and sacrifice the hard won sovereignty that we have held for the last 'hocht blian'. What follows now is a situation too dark to contemplate.

And yet contemplate it we must, for we are about to live this nightmare. What awful measures will be exercised by the faceless Eurocrats who now hold sway over this beautiful republic? Will our gloriously low corporation tax, 'an cáin chorporáide', enshrined in De Valera's constitution all those years ago, be forced to cruelly high European standards? Will they cut public sector pay, crudely and inexpertly? Most importantly, what of the Irish Language?

Our proud and noble gaeilge has long been a thorn in the side of the EU. They fear and mistrust this lilting tongue, trapped as they are in their guttural dialects. I, as a guardian and protector of our native Irish, will lay down my life, my very life, in it's defence. The 'Cead Míle Failte's' wil ring out over this land until the end of time.

But really the EU are merely bit players in this weeks farce. We cannot blame those outsiders for a problem which originated within these shores. I bear no real ill will towards the European Union, not in the face of the terrible monsters that lie much closer to home.

Certain trinities, triumvirates if you will, spring to mind. Insidious tripods holding up the demons of corruption, gombeenism and despair. Not least The Bankers, The Developers and Fianna Fáil. Not Forgetting Fianna Fáil, The PDs and The Greens. But none worse than Bertie Ahern, Charlie McCreevy and Brian Cowen.

McCreevy, the man who defied the advice of the sensible men of Europe, cutting taxes and deregulating until the banks were as free as a bird to gamble with the money of the People in their insidious little casino on Merrion Street. He deserves more scorn than he gets, that much is certain.

Cowen, who even at this late stage, as he goes down as the worst Taoiseach in history, the man who sold Ireland, will not apologise. He retains the arrogance that was his hallmark during his reign as Finance Minister. Enough words have been spent in the national media about this pathetic, shambling, half-drunk dunce of a man.

But we must focus our attentions on the true culprit. One Bartholomew 'Bertie' Ahern. Leaving aside for the minute his gross corruption, his 'lack' of a bank account, his ludicrous stories of winning money on horses, let us place the weight of the blame upon his shoulders. This man 'led' the country for eleven long years. Under his tenure we went from a well regulated, sensible economy, on the up from a flood of American investment, to a bloated, under-taxed false boom country, about to fall off the precipice that he led us to the very brink of. Nothing speaks louder than his comments near the end of his tenure, his response to those who dared to question his insane policies:

It is not fair to tar all politicians with this same brush. Some in the opposition, though far from perfect, are at least honest, decent people. Deputy Rabbitte's thundering denouncement of the government this week warmed my heart to no end.

So on this saddest of days, in the blackest of weeks, in the worst of years I give you my endorsement for the General Election which is sure to come. It is simply this: Anyone But Fianna Fáil. I care not if you vote for the Irish equivalent of the Nation of Islam, as long as you don't ever give this fetid, corruption-marinated, idiotic, borderline insane crowd of smug self-satisfied arseholes another chance, in my life or yours.

Yours, with great sorrow,

Thómáis Ó Donnághchínnéitígdh.